7/10 – the skype date
Posted by Lisa on May 10, 2010 in Date diary - Lisa |
My latest date came so highly recommended that it seemed churlish to worry about the small matter of our inconvenient living arrangements – I live in Coburg, AS in Bangkok.
Skype was the obvious answer to our long-distance dating dilemma. We sorted out busy schedules and time differences and met online on a cold and rainy (my end)/hot and steamy (her end) Friday night.
We chatted dating, culture, work, big city living, dancing and the Art of War. It was a fun talk, and refreshing to compare notes about our respective nontraditional relationship ideals and hopes. As we wound up we agreed to meet on skype again soon and irl whenever we next find ourselves in the same country.
Skype dating is fun! Would you do it?
Okay, I’m just going to say it, and damn the consequences.
Is it really a date if there’s no chance of any action happening? REALLY?
IMO there is also little chance of action happening on a weekday lunch date. Just sayin’.
Not even a long lunch date?
I guess my feeling is that a skype conversation isn’t *that* far removed from an online IM conversation, or even a serious of flirtateous emails. They might be a good way to get to know somebody, but I feel that a “date” implies the possibility of some level of intimate interaction happening. And you don’t really get that kind of connection through an online medium in the same way that you do in-person.
You guys seem (quaintly) convinced of the unique signifying value of bodily fluids.
I think it all depends on the intent of the online conversation. I’ve had IM conversations that were simply chatting, but then others that have felt more like a ‘date’…. I don’t know how to describe the difference.
I guess if you get that first-date fluttery feeling in your belly, it should be considered that way.
My 2c worth, anyway
I disagree Andrew. In this connected world, why should we be limited to looking for a partner in our immediate locale? Yes, the chance of a pash at the end of a date is all nice and exciting, but surely relationships are built on more than that? If we can use social networking and the internet to make friends and build business relationships, why shouldn’t we use it to look for romantic connections?
Philip, you should do a cyber kiss!
Oh, I do plenty of cyber kisses; I just blog about the wet ones.
I don’t want to develop a romantic interest in someone who doesn’t live close enough for a regular old fashoned pash.
Andrew: I’m curious about your perception that there is no possibility of intimate interaction happening either as part of or following a skype (or other type of online) date. I suspect that this either indicative of a very limited definition of intimacy or an imagination deficit.
I find it difficult, for instance, to classify as anything *but* intimate the prospect of two individuals video conferencing in various states of undress and expressing highly sexualised sentiments or otherwise performing erotic acts. I’m not suggesting that this is indeed what happened in the course of Lisa’s date, but what if it did? More importantly (and probably a more likely possibility given the fact that this was not Chat Roulette) both Lisa and her date could have been so turned on by their (fully-clothed) skype encounter that this could have functioned as a prelude to face-to-face sexual activity.
As someone who’s been living overseas for the past 18 months, I have to admit that the cost-effective wonders of skype have been instrumental in me maintaining and deepening the vast majority of my intimate (sexual and non-sexual) relationships. Although I can’t touch them, I’ve wept, laughed and cursed with them; I’ve greeted their newborn babies, commented on their new haircuts, and even eaten meals with them.
And frankly, despite the lack of physical connection, I consider those relationships not only more intimate but qualitatively superior to the kinds of relationships I’ve developed with friends where I currently live, whom I meet up with at least twice a week and with whom I occasionally have good sex.
What makes something a date versus catching up with a friend? For me, it’s being attracted to the person, working out if they are too, hopefully leading to action at some point.
Neon boots, you talk about “maintaining and deepening” existing relationships through Skype, which is great, and we’re really fortunate to have that technology, but I don’t see it as an ideal as a place to create a new relationship. I see a long distance relationship as something you may *have* to do if your partner moves away for work, for instance, but it’s certainly not ideal or something I would want to pursue if I didn’t have to.
But then you do hear of plenty of couples meeting online from different locations and then falling in lurve…
Yes, there is the possibility of sexual interaction online, but I wouldn’t consider that at all intimate per se. And yes, I have a great imagination, but there’s a difference between fantasy and reality. And with the imagination, comes the great danger of infatuation. This happens often with online “relationships”, where people form strong emotional connections with people, purely on a textual / image-based interaction.
And whilst that can have some element of emotional fulfilment, especially if you’re lonely, it’s not intimate. And it’s only partially real. The way that people relate to each other physically is just as important as the way they relate to each other on an intellectual or emotional level.
And, in the case of a date, it’s important to gauge that interpersonal connection on all levels. You might be comfortable talking to somebody over skype or IM, but in person, there’s just no chemistry.
Plus, as Sarah alluded to, in the case of long-distance, the practicalities of a fulfilling relationship are somewhat limited. Unless you *know* that there’s going to be the option of living within regular visiting distance, then why would you bother? Especially if there are 3.8 million other people on offer.
Andrew – “Why would you bother?” Why wouldn’t you? Why limit yourself?!
Thanks for a beautiful account, Neon Boots.
Andrew – “intimate per se” seems an extremely floppy category, in your musings. It somehow makes both online and face-to-face experiences seem incomplete and seedy. If a shared meal with a loved one isn’t intimate then I’m not sure what is, and I suspect I don’t want it.
Lisa – because there are already plenty of great options available in the immediate vicinity. I’d find the pursuit of an LDR through online interaction far more limiting.
Philip – online experiences ARE incomplete. Seedy is up to you. And I do consider a shared meal with a loved one to be intimate. However, eating it in front of a screen whilst online with another person – not so much.