Ending 100 dates

Although I have reported on each of my ten dates, I felt like I should round off the project with a final blog post.

When I started 100 dates my biggest fear about the project was that no one would want to go out with me, and there I’d be, hanging out on the internet with no dates to go on. Seriously. So I was thrilled and relieved when my first date recommendation came through, then the second, then the third, etc etc right up to ten! Ten whole dates. Amazing.

And I was lucky to go on ten dates with ten very nice people. There was no one I dated that I’d never want to see again – sorry, no disasters – even though I mostly wasn’t interested in them romantically. So I would call that a success, even if my facebook status is still listed as ‘single’. Oh, that sounds very final! But there is still some stuff ongoing…

What I loved about doing 100 dates was the unashamed dating. There was no murky is-this-a-coffee-or-is-it-a-date territory: both parties were there to assess potential, to put it bluntly. I liked the lack of ambiguity in that, the formality I guess. That said, I found going on the dates really nerve-wracking! I never really chilled out about that and found my cool.

So what did I get out of 100 dates? It gave me a push to think more deeply about what and who I’m really looking for, romantically, sexually, and any other -lys. It gave me the context to tell people that I’m looking, even if I’m not really sure what I’m looking for yet. It opened up many, many amazing conversations with people about dating and romance. It was interesting.

To be honest, I think I’m still processing the whole experience. The only criticism I got about the project was that my date diary wasn’t very revealing. It was very important to me to be respectful to the people I dated – and there weren’t that many salacious details anyway. But no doubt I will write about it in more detail once I have a bit of distance – so if you’re keen to see how things pan out, drop by my blog or visit me on twitter.

I’m really interested in seeing where this project goes from here and following the exploits of the next daters. If I had a piece of advice to impart it would be this: do the dates quickly! For me it took three months from start to end, but I think short-term, total immersion is the way to go.

The last thing I have to do is thank everyone who has been following and supporting me, and this project and of course the people I dated and those who recommended them to me: you really made my 100 dates experience wonderful, thanks so much for being so awesome!

Lisa x

10/10 – the Scrabble date

“I can imagine BD and Lisa enjoying a game of Scrabble together…”

And thus it was decided: my final date would be a Scrabble date.

I was nominated to bring the board, and I ran a bit late on the night because my Scrabble set is too big to carry on a bike, necessitating a rare tram journey. Luckily I was only going to the next suburb.

We settled by an open fire and had a chat before the board was cracked out. I opened with FRIED (26 points). BD proved himself to have better word knowledge (LAVAGE, ROOD) and I was strong on strategy (triple word score queen). BD lost (194 to my 303) but, gracious in defeat, carried my board to the tram stop and waited with me until my homeward transport arrived.

A note: carrying Scrabble is a good way to meet a blind date. No red roses or awkward approaches necessary.

9/10 – the launch party date

For a while BW and I texted instead of met, as I had to put our date on hold while I ran a festival. So I was looking forward to finally meeting him on a rainy Friday night in the city.

We had agreed on a quiet bar but at the last minute directed him to a different bar, where there was a magazine launch party happening. After so many face-to-face dates and a quiet week I was in the mood for something a bit buzzier. This made our date very social, for better or worse: people I knew kept swooping in to say hi and we didn’t get the chance to talk one-on-one that I would have liked. But he’s outgoing and social and managed to hold his own, which was impressive.

When I had to go to a late dinner with friends, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and left him at the party. I later felt bad that I may not have given our date its best chance.

8/10 – the breakfast date

My eighth date was recommended by a friend I accosted in the street one day (‘do you know any single people? You must!’). She came through with the goods, SM was recommended, and I suggested we meet soon over breakfast.

When I tweeted that I was off on a breakfast date the response was mixed – there was a clear divide between ‘morning date – what kind of hell is that?’ and ‘yeah – cool idea!’. But I like mornings, and I was extremely busy at work that week, and my date was up for it, so why not?

SM and I met at a cute little laneway cafe and had a good morning pow-wow over coffee and crepes. Among getting-to-know-you chitchat we bonded over bunnies and puppies, food love, writing and reading.

And then we wrapped it all up and headed off to our respective places of work. Short, sharp and sweet – tell me what’s not to like about a breakfast date?

7/10 – the skype date

My latest date came so highly recommended that it seemed churlish to worry about the small matter of our inconvenient living arrangements – I live in Coburg, AS in Bangkok.

Skype was the obvious answer to our long-distance dating dilemma. We sorted out busy schedules and time differences and met online on a cold and rainy (my end)/hot and steamy (her end) Friday night.

We chatted dating, culture, work, big city living, dancing and the Art of War. It was a fun talk, and refreshing to compare notes about our respective nontraditional relationship ideals and hopes. As we wound up we agreed to meet on skype again soon and irl whenever we next find ourselves in the same country.

Skype dating is fun! Would you do it?

6/10 – the hip restaurant lunch date

This date started out badly as due to miscommunications I was the only one who showed up to our lunchtime rendezvous. No drama, I had wanted to check out the restaurant and I enjoyed trying the tacos (frijoles con nopales – baked black beans, cactus & ‘pico de gallo’).

AM and I rescheduled for a week later, same time, same place. This time around we both showed up (hooray!). I ordered the chili rellenos (bullhorn chiles stuffed with wild mushrooms, pepitas, epazote & pumpkin sauce), he had the tacos de pollo (raised-right roast chicken, citrus, guacamole & queso frescode) and we shared an ensalada verde (iceburg lettuce, cucumber & spring onion, lime & dill dressing).

We ate, we talked, we had coffee – that’s three of my favourite things, right there.

The verdict? A good time was had.

5/10 – the art exhibition date

MH and I arranged to meet at an art exhibition launch in the inner north (everything happens in the inner north, dontcha know) on a balmy weeknight. There was a storm brewing as I left the city and I arrived at the gallery out of breath and dripping in sweat.

I recognised MH from his facebook pics straight away (yes, I do look at photos before a date), and we started chatting easily about why Melbourne-folk wear black and the nature of dating. Eventually we drifted to the bar across the road for more wine and conversation.

The rain finally came, and went, and I was wiping my bike seat off as we parted ways. There was a moment of hesitation, a chaste kiss on the cheek, and then I was freewheeling back to my part of town.

4/10 – the after dinner drink date

NH told me he was up for a stress-free date, and I agreed. We met in the city on a Wednesday night for an after-dinner drink. Unfortunately, I had skipped dinner in favour of drinks at a book launch. Was I drunk? No. Was I sober? Nooooo…

We talked for a long time about books, movies, travel, anxiety (me) and calm (him). I learnt that there are two kinds of zombie – the living dead (traditional) and viral zombies (modern).

As we left the bar NH asked me when I’d be blogging the date, and he said he might tweet about me to balance the score. And he did:

Had a very pleasant date with Lisa last night. Very stimulating conversation. Talked for hours with topics jumping around. Would do it again.

Dating in an electronic age

Another question:

if you’re about to date someone and they have a blog – do you read it?

I’m an avid blog reader but have resisted reading any of the blogs or even twitter feeds of my dates before I go out. This is a decision I made when I started this project – I wanted to go on each date with no expectations/preconceptions apart from what came through on the recommendation form.

What would you do?

3/10 – the unofficial date

My third date arrived through unofficial channels, that is, not through the recommendation form on this site. I went anyway (of course I went, that’s what this whole project was about!), to a weekday city lunch.

A few things. Although I meet a lot of people through my work, dates make me nervous! Is this strange? I bumped into a friend who was lunching in the same venue which was a little odd as well. But the date itself was lovely, and after an initial period of jitters (me, can’t speak for him) we spent hours talking about, oh you know, everything.

In my last post I asked, how do you end a date? This time, I stood awkwardly for a bit before laughing at myself, waving, and skipping off down the street back to work.